Sunday, April 7, 2013

Detroit Survival Tips

Detroit is a great city with a tremendous history, but can be a rough place to visit if you don't know what to expect. I recently spent a few days in the Motor City and compiled a few tips that might help you survive your next trip to Motown. 

Detroit Survival Tips:
  1. don't be a vegetarian, you'll starve.
  2. Stay on the other side of 8 Mile Rd. In fact to be safe, try 11 Mile Rd.
  3. Take advantage of the shitty economy and drive any time! There's no rush hour, in fact there's never any traffic. anywhere.
  4. If you find a business you like, go there a lot. Take advantage of it now because it's going out of business soon.
  5. Not all Arabs like being referred to as such. Some prefer the term "Persian", and others prefer the term "Jewish".
  6. Be prepared to have long deep philosophical conversations about Ted Nugent, electronic music, and the Insane Clown Posse.
  7. Gratiot, is pronounced "Grass-SHIT" and this is easy to remember if you ever drive down Gratiot Ave.
  8. It's helpful if you have an out of state driver's license. Local cops are too lazy to do all the paperwork necesray to write you a ticket, and you can speed all up and down Woodward Ave.
  9. Size 16 is not "plus-sized".
  10. Don't be Brittany Murphy.